Mommy Guilt

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My two-year-old son started preschool on Thursday and I’m so excited for him! He’s such a happy, outgoing little boy and he’s at that stage where he just takes everything in. I can’t wait to see him flourish in a classroom setting. He goes 2 days a week from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. and he has two really great teachers who just love him. The added bonus is I am teaching one of the 3-year-old classes there. I’m really excited to put my teaching skills to use and enjoy adult conversation with my co-teacher. But that means that my sweet eight-month-old will have be in the nursery at the preschool while I’m teaching. I mean what could be bad about this arrangement? I have both of my kids there with me, they will be loved on by wonderful teachers, I get to do what I love and it’s only TWO days a week!! What could be better than that?!

Having one-on-one time with my daughter.

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I feel totally guilty about dropping her off for that time. The rational part of me knows it will be good for her and she will be just fine (even though she’s in a stage where she cries A LOT when I’m not around). But the mommy in me feels bad because Caleb never had to experience “working mommy” when he was little. I know the working moms are thinking, “Are you kidding me? You’re emotional over two days a week?”  Yes, I am. I know this is the working mom’s reality every day of the week and I’m sure there are those that struggle with it on a regular basis and wish they could be with their babies, even part of the time. My heart goes out to those women. You are amazing because it’s not easy to balance work, kids and your household. But this has never been my reality, and I feel like my sweet, little girl is missing out on a little bit of me. And I’m missing out on her moments too!

I know Chloe won’t remember this when she’s older and working part-time doesn’t make me a bad mom. I also realize that she will benefit from this in various ways and have some added advantages that Caleb didn’t have, like learning to be without mommy every minute of every day. However, I still feel a little guilty.

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But even though I feel this twinge in my heart for my daughter, the other half of my heart is so excited to be working with kids again! I absolutely love teaching! It is so neat to see children come in at the beginning of the year and watch them grow over those nine months. Their little brains are like sponges and by the end of the year they are overflowing with all of the things they’ve learned. The experience is such a gift. I’m impacting these little human beings’ life in a positive manner and I’m grateful to their parents for entrusting me with them during the day. Another plus is falling in love with these little kids over the course of a school year. I really do get attached and miss MOST of them when the year is over.

So this year, when my heart feels for my daughter, I’ll try to remember that she is getting the experience that I am giving to my students. Someone who will pour into her and love on her when she’s not with mommy . . . and what a gift that is for her to receive.

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4 thoughts on “Mommy Guilt

  1. Great Blog Alisha! Being able to do work you love and be with the kids is the perfect “dream job” . Chloe is just darling, I can’t wait to meet her!!

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